I told him everything. The abuse, the name calling, how my friends wouldn’t stand up for me. How my sister got knocked up by my worst enemy. “Son, you got a problem.” I thought to myself “obviously Gramps. Thanks.”He arose and motioned for me to follow him down into his basement. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Every square inch of the basement was covered in pornography. Stuff I had never seen. Stuff I could never imagine. Stuff that I’m pretty sure was illegal. There was a bed, a wardrobe, and a chest of drawers. He pulled out a drawer and handed me a tin of mints.I looked at him incredulously. He said to me, “Stow it, son, you’re practically an adult now. We’re going to get revenge the Walker way. I had four sons. Only your Daddy was from a loving marriage. The other three? Girls connected to people who tried to fuck me over, so I fucked their girlfriends or sisters. In fact, I’m the product of my Daddy revenge fucking the girlfriend of his best friend. You’re going to slip these. Occasionally I'd pick up a current Playboy from the coffee table and show the girl my name on the masthead. Sometimes not, it didn't matter. The girls always bounded happily out of my place leaving behind a quite satisfied impostor.The next day I called Contestant #2. She was the one with all the schedule problems, and we made a date for Saturday, three days away. There was just no way to make it sooner.She rang the bell at 10AM sharp. I always like punctuality, it shows interest."Hello Rona," I said. "Come in."She stepped through the door. She looked wonderful. Tanned, mysterious, a trifle exotic. A nice change. She carried a little gym bag."I brought a bathing suit like you said. Two suits, actually. You can take your pick." Great," I answered. "Can I get you something to drink?" She shook her head. "Diet Coke? Fancy water?" She shook her head again. I gave her the nickel tour. It was a token effort; I only had a three room apartment.When we walked into the bedroom I gave the.
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